essen | (no subject)

[ Eren's quiet, but he's listening. His arms slump a little, finally giving Armin room to breathe. They trade squeezing for gripping at the fabric of his shirt, trembling from how tightly he's clutching his fists.

They hadn't talked about that time in a while. They haven't had the opportunity. Eren's been busily juggled between too many events to really talk about any of it. Had he even told Armin about Levi's Squad? He can't remember, but it makes his hands grip tighter, almost biting into themselves through the barrier of the fabric.

He listens, but he shakes his head slowly against the crook of his neck. No, he doesn't want to imagine that right now. He can't imagine how hopeless he would have felt. All of that to save him... and then he'd be dead, just like Marco. There was no way he'd let them burn Armin on a pile like that, though. There's no way the greedy siblings would allow it. They'd kill people before they let them take this body away to be mixed with the ashes of countless strangers. He couldn't stand it... if the titans took him away, too. It had been terrifying enough to see Mikasa in their grip, to see her giving up, in tears. Armin, too?

No, no... no... no no no no....

He remembers to breathe when Armin's hand lays on his chest. It's a long exhale, bringing him back to reality again, and suddenly he feels the growing dampness on his face. This is a mess. He should have just left Armin alone instead of being selfish.

He's so good at being even minded. At seeing past everything and understanding what really needs to be focused on, even when Eren, realist Eren, loses track of everything in his emotions. He peels his face from his shoulder to give him the respect he deserves, a look in the eyes though his sharp face is wavering at best. ]

I promise.

_{[The hand he'd rested on Eren's chest slides up to cup one of his cheeks in his palm, thumb smoothing away tears as best he can. Eren's face is damp and it takes all of Armin's own resolve to keep himself from becoming just as teary-eyed. Somehow he manages, somehow, despite the heavy air around them and the weights in their hearts he manages a smile. Those two little words were all he needed to hear, all he needed to be reassured.

It isn't strange being this close, it's only increasingly natural, and as fun as kissing had been before it had been comforting too. He doesn't think much about it when he leans in to press his lips softly against Eren's, a wordless promise of his own. He'd be there at Eren's side for as long as fate allowed him to be. He'd do whatever he could and whatever he had to, so long as Eren remained safe and, ultimately, someday happy.]}

[ For it being asshole o'clock, Armin's definitely the pillar of strength at this god forsaken hour. Keeping any ounce of himself together had been a feat for Eren and he's already crumbled. Armin, dragged out of his house, who'd practically run over here, was comforting him effectively without even a sliver of breaking showing through.

He doesn't expect the kiss when he should, but it sinks through his cry-heated body like cool water and, with a stutter sob, slowly calms him down. He rests his forehead against Armin's, just looking at him, trying to remind himself that no matter what, he's made it so far, and he's alive right here and now. ]

_{[Sometimes his composure surprises even himself. It isn't uncommon for Armin to end up in a pile of tears and snot but when it comes to Eren's sanity and stability he has to be strong, he has to keep it together for him. When the whole world is falling around them, bodies of their comrades and those they cherish dropping to the ground they have to be there to support one another. It's vital.

The kiss doesn't last long - it isn't meant to be something heated or driven by passion. It's overall a source of comfort, a kiss to make it all better, much how a mother would kiss her child's scrapes and bruises better. This time though the wounds are on the inside and a kiss to the lips is all Armin can do to try and patch them up.

Eren's forehead is warm against his as he stares into his eyes, noses bumping when the kiss is broken. Fingers wander into Eren's hair, tips brushing through and ever gentle. He wants Eren to feel at ease. He wants him to relax. He wants him to feel safe.]}

We'll be okay, Eren.

[ His forehead rubs gently against Armin as he nods slowly, eyes finally shutting as he takes a long moment to even his breathing out. The grip on his shirt loosens and his arms move to wrap around his shoulders instead.

He rests his head on Armin's shoulder again, finding it much easier to do when Armin is in his lap and not vice-versa. There's so much more of this conversation to be had, but he's spent on it already. He's been mulling over it for hours as it is. Spilling out the biggest concern at Armin is the best he can do. Soaking in Armin's comfort is all he wants to do, now. ]

... Jean stop sulking about it after I left?

_{[There are even some things that Armin won't tell Eren entirely - one of those things is that Jean pretty much broke down at one point, crying. He has enough respect for the other boy he won't mention his tears.]}

Eventually.

_{[Is what he offers for an answer, far more preoccupied with letting his fingers roam through Eren's hair, toying absentmindedly with strands near the nape of his neck.]}

[ He makes a strange growl in his throat, nose crinkling as he leans back on the couch finally and tips Armin along with him. ]

... He deserved it, since he brought it up and came over to fuck with me in the first place, but... I still feel kind of shitty about it.

_{[As proud that Armin is to hear that Eren feels somewhat shitty for getting into a fight with Jean, it is Jean's fault if he's the one who instigated it. Where Eren goes on the couch Armin follows without protest, comfortable to simply be kept close.]}

If he's the one who started it...then I have to agree with you, but it is hard for him Eren. I can't imagine how hard it'd be to only start dealing with the loss of your best friend, only to suddenly have them returned to you. He has to come to terms with it, of course, but it's difficult.

Yeah, it's hard, that's a given, but to totally withdraw into some stupid ass fantasy? What's he going to do if Marco leaves or something? Vanishes? He's not gonna have a leg to stand on.

He's so fucking pathetic.

Eren...not everyone is as strong willed as you are. I know that if I was in his position I wouldn't know what to do.

But it's like he's ignoring everyone who could die without him... and like he doesn't care about anyone else we've lost, either.

He'll come around, Eren. He just needs a bit of time. He hasn't forgotten us.

I think he wants to, to be honest. I think he'd be pretty happy if he never saw any of the rest of us ever again. We could die in the future and he wouldn't care, as long as he can be happy.

Even if Jean isn't the Jean we've fought alongside recently, he's still Jean. He isn't heartless, Eren. I think his problem is that he cares far too much. He cares enough that he was worried for me. He didn't want me to end up in re-ed.

I think it's cruel to say he doesn't care.

If he's still Jean, he's a shithead no matter what. I think you underestimate how selfish that guy can be. He was never in this to save anyone but himself to begin with, isn't that true?

To begin with, yes, but then he joined us on his own accord, Eren.

This whole shitty attitude seems more like his true self than anything. He always has had this 'what's in it for me' thing going on, and now it's worse.

He's only human, Eren. We all are.

... You know as well as I do that we all aren't. You're the only person... in this apartment right now that really is anymore.

And being human doesn't give him any excuse for acting like the does.

You're human, Eren. _{[He doesn't want to hear otherwise.]} And I know it doesn't give him an excuse for acting awful. What I meant to say is that we're all prone to making mistakes. We know the kind of person Jean can be. We just need to wait for him to come to that realization.

[ He huffs and lifts his head again, leaning it back against the couch cushions. ]

It's too much of a waste of time to sit and wait for him to crawl out of his own ass... if he doesn't want to come along, fine. We'll leave him here and get by on our own.

Let's not talk about Jean anymore, okay?

Alright.

[ He could go on forever, but Armin's doing him this favor, so he'll abide. ]

How'd the rest of the party go? Did you drink with them?

I didn't drink. I don't like what alcohol does to people.

We've never known a good drinker, have we? You're too smart to be out of it like that, anyway.

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